June 25, 2009
I say stupid things. Remember the movie with the kid who says, I see dead people? Well I say stupid things. My statement has more gravity because its real life. You would think that a blogger, a lover of words and expressions, would be better at speaking. I can speak just fine, I can express myself eloquently, but in all honesty I say really stupid things. Perhaps I say too much. I truly think that might be the rub. I just can’t say something and let the chips fall where they may, I say millions of things, spewing chips and debris and chaos in my wake. Hurricane Stupid, that’s me. I start saying things and somewhere deep inside of me, maybe I am saying no, let this go, but my mouth keeps going. This mouth is getting me nowhere. I think I blog better. At least when I blog its my own silent exercise, and with proofreading I can just catch the wtfs.
I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. I don’t know if this blog is going to be the final nail in my coffin. I’m here; I’m wide awake, yet mentally exhausted. I’m here to blog because at a time like this, when I have nothing but my thoughts, I need some sort of communication. I need some feedback. This is my method of serving that purpose. There is no one to hear me, and any way, since hearing me put me in this ish, I think I ought to stay to myself.
You see, I can’t really determine who reads my blogs. Nor can someone leave any comment that someone else other than me would see. If you ever comment, I will receive an email encouraging me to read your response, then I have the choice of hitching or ditching. That is what makes this a good method to hash things out.
I’m alone, naturally. There is no warm body for me to lean on. I’m about to say something stupid: spoiler alert: spoiler alert: I’m well aware that it is the eve of the deaths of Farrah and Michael. I hope they rest in peace. Honestly, no matter their stardom, at the end of the day we are all just flesh and blood.
Man I am getting really sleepy. There is only one person that I want to speak to now. One person who can kiss me and tuck me in. One person who is my beginning and my end.
What to do, what to do….I was just about to tangent into a story that is really unrelated. I’m really too tired. I don’t think I am going to sleep well, but I have to close my eyes.
I apologize to anyone that I've ever said too much too. Trust me, it is not my intention. I have to learn how to check my own shit.
You get me.
That’s why I love you.
Lola
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