Hello Readers,
You must think I have loads of time on my hands. I actually don't..contrary to popular belief I have a job. I swear.
Before I get into the reason for this blog, as if we need a reason...today I am going to the gym. Really. I swear. I packed my clothes and everything. I really have to get on my grind...or someone's grind. I woke up this morning with a new resolve...really. Is it foolhardy to make a fitness resolve on the first Monday after Halloween, a mere four weeks before Thanksgiving? Yes it is. Am I that type of rebel? Yes I am. As I sit here still sucking bits of snickers from my back teeth, I swear. I'm psyched. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'. Tomorrow, if I feel up to it after I PUMP MYSELF UP, I will fill you in on the Five People I Met In The Gym.
Yesterday, my Lovely asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I didn't have an answer for her. At the time, I didn't think it was a big deal, I figured I would just think about it. During my thinking time, this morning between 6:05 and 6:17, I realized what a travesty this really is. Do you know why, Dear Readers, I cannot decide what I want for Christmas?
First of all, the biggest culprit of them all: PARENTHOOD. Yes, I said it. As a parent, when asked what I want for Christmas, I first think of what my children want, then onto what they need...sometime at the end of this mind debilitating process, I think about what I need, which ties into nicely what they need. Here is an example..hmm the kids could use a new dictionary, I could use a Barnes & Noble gift card...see?! Isn't that some ish? Are my senses dulled so much that I can barely see what I might want/need without the seeing the world through the thick, heavy, black-rimmed glasses of PARENTHOOD?
Second of all, and this is the small culprit: I'm not used to getting what I ask for as opposed to what I get. My Lovely loves lists, so here is a list...the first column is what I asked for, the next is what I got...I'm not going to bore you with the ages, I don't remember anyway.
1. GEM doll (Gem, Gem is my Name).......Roxy
2. A flute.....................a plastic recorder
3. An Etch A Sketch.............a Lite Bright
4. An Easy Bake Oven.............PlayDoh Spaghetti Head
5. Ms. Pacman Game...............Mr. Potato Head Doll
6. A leather jacket.............a blue husky coat from Fingerhut
7. Reeboks....................Ellese
I'm sure that there is more, but those are the items that really stood out to me over the years. The Roxy doll was the most disappointing. Even the blue husky coat from Fingerhut had big enough husky pockets for me to carry a book, furthering my Nerddom.
Here is the tear jerker portion of our time together today, what I really want for Christmas is a hug from my grandmother. Of course she is long gone, all of my grandparents are gone. I miss them terribly. Sometimes I feel panicked that I am forgetting her voice or her touch, but usually I am blessed enough to dream of her. Dear Readers, we are going to let this part of the blog go before I start weeping all over my keyboard, not a pretty sight.
Breathe.
Ok. I have a lot of wants, but I know that I need to separate my wants from my needs. I don't really want world peace, I'm not sacrificing enough to wish for such a grand thing. Can I say sacrificing or do I say sacrificial? Hmm. World peace would be nice and leave something good for my kids and my grandkids, wait...am I again worrying about WHAT THEY NEED/WANT? See what I mean? Sucks to be me. I still have a bit of a weep in the back of mind because now I am fixated on my grandma. Crap. This is no way to brainstorm gifts.
Here is my list of selfish all about me forget the rest of the world gifts:
1. Cowboy boots (no spurs necessary)
2. Super cool phone because I'm tired of having the same phone as the 5th graders because OMG its so cool, you can change the color by clicking off the cover, my fave is the red, what's yours, Miss?
3. Spa pedicure the one that they use things I would never waste like buttermilk, sugar and no less than two people working on my feet and one extra to pass me a appletini.
4. An amazing everyday bangle, almost museum like that I would never buy for myself, but totally care for if it were a gift because I would be terrified to lose it.
5. Liposuction (its my list).
6. Roller blades with lessons, or maybe the lessons first so that they don't end up under my bed with the hula hoop.
7. Free Cablevision (see parenthesis #5).
8. A new digital camera, since mine is so yesterday.
9. The Catcher in the Rye, for the "keep" side of my bookshelf.
10. Sephora gift card, so that I can let go of all those empties in my closet.
Whew. Readers, I really had to squeeze out the last two on my list. Thank you for helping me with the process. I appreciate you, Dear Readers, I really do. To my Lovely's credit, she made me cry last year by giving me the Complete Peanuts Holiday Collection of DVDs. I don't know how she can top that. Please no one try to rouse Ms. Katherine Mendez from the DDD (Dearly Departed Department) because as much as I love my grandma, there's no need for any Stephan King up in here. I will be SO PISSED IF THERE IS A ZOMBIE GRANDMA at the table this year. I'm not kidding. Don't do me any favors. She was not happy about my lesbianism then, I doubt the afterlife has given her a better prospective.
Speaking of lesbianism and the dead, Bea Arthur left $300,000 in her will to a New York organization that aids homeless gay youth.
The Ali Fornay Center provides services to more than 1,000 each year, and is planning to buy a building to house 12 young people - and name it in honor of the "Golden Girls" actress.
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2009/10/27/2009-10-27_golden_girls_star_bea_arthur_leaves_300000_in_will_.html#ixzz0ViYC9UGP
I think that's just lovely.
That's a beautiful thing and makes me want to watch The Golden Girls all over again, which could happen with #7 on my list. Please don't go out and buy me any seasons of The Golden Girls on DVD-I will not watch them enough and I am not long in the tooth enough to own that series. If you plan on getting me The Golden Girls, you might as well throw in the first season of The Price Is Right, if there is such a series. Just put the frosting, lock and key on my seniorism.
You get me, that's why I love you,
Lola
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