62, 63, 64, 65th Tuesday-At Least Its Tuesday!

Dearest Readers:

I.HAVE.SO.MUCH.GOING.ON.

Where do we start? I'm so busy, I think I have to break off topics and then address them. Isn't that something? Who do I really think I am? Me! Lol! Here we go, I present to you TOPICS OF BLOGSION:

1. JOURNEY TO MEAT/POULTRY FREEDOM
2. CABLEVISION UPDATE AND WHY THEY WILL ALWAYS SUCK
3. GREATEST BOOK I'VE READ THIS YEAR
4. GYM UPDATE & VROOM VROOM UPDATE AKA SHORTEST UPDATE EVER
5. WHAT I DID THIS PAST SATURDAY
6. FUZZY CREATURE FEATURE
7. OVEN: TO BAKE OR NOT TO BAKE THAT IS THE QUESTION
8. MY BOOK: WHY I CANNOT WRITE SMALL ENOUGH
9. GREATEST MOMENTS ON APRIL 30, 2010
10: MY BOOK PART II: WHY ARE TEN DAYS ALREADY FILLED IN?
11: CRYING IN MY SMOOTHIE: THE LOLA-ALL-ALONE PERIODICAL

I'm pretty sure that I can combine a few topics, but please, indulge me...I have not been around for a bit.

JOURNEY TO MEAT/POULTRY FREEDOM
Today marks one month and one day that I have been meat and poultry free. I am actually ok. I didn't think it would be so tough, seeing as I enjoy an eclectic diet anyway. I guess I was worried because I am a foodie (read: fat a$$). I do not really feel a huge difference in my body. I'd like to say I feel more energetic, but to say that today would be a LIE, since I am exhausted. You may be wondering how the vegetarian life is...well, I don't know. I am not a vegetarian. Its a popular misconception. Vegetarians don't eat seafood. You know, nothing with a face. I'm a PESCATARIAN. Yes I am well aware that that sounds like a religion. Spare me. I've had a few moments where I felt tempted, but the hardest moments: coming across a paper bag of fried chicken and lifting the foil on a HUGE pernil. The first incident FCPB was at a friend's home. She sent me in the kitchen to get a bag of tortilla chips out of a bag. Don't ask me why this dique friend had a similar looking paper bag on the same table with a bag of chicken wings staring at me. Readers, those chicken wings looked so awesome, its like they were waiting for me. I stood there stuck for a minute until I clenched my fists and walked away. The second incident, the PERNIL ASSAULT was recently at my mother's home. I was snacking on a big bag of trail mix and my mom called my attention to a pan in her kitchen. I of course, assumed it was chicken and since I already beat the chicken lust, I opened it without hesitation. There in front of me, still warm, fresh garlic and herbs glistening was quite possibly the sexiest pork shoulder I'd EVER seen. For some reason its real easy to say "no pork on my fork, no swine on my mind" when you think of pork, UNTIL you come across the SEXIEST PERNIL OF ALL TIME. Be proud of me, I tossed in a extra big handful of pumpkin seeds and raisins and walked away.


CABLEVISION UPDATE AND WHY THEY WILL ALWAYS SUCK
I pride myself on beating the system when it comes to Cablevision. I think that they are way too expensive and all they do is show the same crap. I used to have a huge diamond platinum pimp package with more channels then I would ever need. From there I went to no cable, no phone, no internet...my bills was so tiny, it was like a late night bodega trip. After a while, I really had to up the package, it was depressing. I figured since it was winter-we didn't have too many out-of-the-house options. At this point, due to TOP SECRET DEVELOPMENTS, I need to up it once again-this time to add a phone line and the internet. DUM DUM DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA yes the internet. You ought to be excited, because that means more blogging. Wooooweeee. I didn't forget the suckation: they suck because they have a Triple Play, one year $30 a service..so for the cable, phone and internet plus taxes and lies (taxes=lies) the bill will be a few blocks over $100. Watch What Happens!!! Once you get all used to the beauty of simultaneously chatting on the phone, blogging and watching Bravo, they send you the REAL BILL. The plan should be called Triple Play and PleaseGetThatKnifeOutOfMyBackThankYouVeryMuch. Hopefully the TOP SECRET DEVELOPMENTS will dull the knife. TBA.

GREATEST BOOK I'VE READ THIS YEAR

The Host by Stephanie Meyers. Yes, she has written something other than the Twilight Series. No, there are no dang vampyres or wolves in this one, but WOW. What a story! What a concept! I would be in such a better place right now, if I would have written that. But nooooooooo, I spend all my time blogging to My Dear Readers and working on TOP SECRET DEVELOPMENTS. It's all good. I won't tell you anything about the book, I mean, unless you really enjoy a FABULOUS read, its not for you. You know what, now that I think about it, this blog should fill all your requirements for reading, but should I get too preoccupied with TOP SECRET DEVELOPMENTS, you are more than free to explore other reading options, starting with The Host.


GYM UPDATE & VROOM VROOM UPDATE AKA SHORTEST UPDATE EVER

NO AND NO. FIN.

WHAT I DID THIS PAST SATURDAY

Saturday morning McKinley and I went to a bone marrow drive for Sophia Lopez. It took minutes of my life, to possibly save hers. Here is the site for more information: http://www.dkmsamericas.org/drives/help-save-baby-sophia-and-others-0
Readers, I'm all for a cause. I took my WondaGirl because I hope to instill the same values in my children. Patterson went to a Math Tournament...I know, he a freaking genius. Really, take a look at Sophia's page. It only takes a minute. After that feel good trip, we went to meet a friend, the FCPB friend..only this time she didn't leave any poultry around. We had a fantastic time at the Bronx Zoo. My friend, her two kids and three extra kids..plus me and McKinley. My friend is a SAINT. She really is. She has a yearly membership to the Zoo which includes loads of goodies at all the NYC Zoos and even the Aquarium. Ah, don't take it from me, look here http://www.bronxzoo.com/. Good Times....

FUZZY CREATURE FEATURE

Wow. I am feeling tired. I will plow on. Alright, so I know that I live in NY, and I understand that we have rat issues. Ewwwww..did you happen to catch that commercial..something about budget cuts--all I know is it talks about the new neighbors and the camera is thisclose on no less than a housing project worth of rodents. Ewww...worst that the cancerous lung anti smoking ad. Anyhow, I've been seeing signs, OBVIOUS ones indicating that I may have more than the average mice. I saw them working their way, one by one (it was three) to a secret location under my radiator. I put down some traps and caught two. Well you don't have to follow Sesame Street to understand that I SHOULD have had one left. Flash forward to a week later and I have fourteen (14) dropping left overnight in my kitchen. Do you know how disgusting it is to have to count and recount droppings. Really, I can't deal with that much excitement at 6am. I called the folk that beat the rent out of me every month and left a scalding (not scolding, SCALDING) voicemail. They sent two exterminators, who pretty much tore up my entire home, stuffing every hole with poison and steel wool. So far, I have not seen any dropping-I did see one mouse mid week. I think he is probably afraid to leave droppings, since my reaction was so scalding. Yes I said it again. I like the way it rolls out.

OVEN: TO BAKE OR NOT TO BAKE THAT IS THE QUESTION

This one is easy. I can bake. The reason I couldn't bake is because apparently that wire hanging in my oven was supposed to be there and a certain blogger who will remained unnamed should not have snapped it off in a moment of fury.

MY BOOK: WHY I CANNOT WRITE SMALL ENOUGH

Lately there has been some question as to why I keep talking about my book. No, I am not writing a book. I am talking about my calendar book. Due to the TOP SECRET DEVELOPMENTS, I have so many deadlines and ish to do, that I have no choice but to write it down. Since my book is the Hallmark freebie, it is really small. If you were to look at my book, you'd think, WOW...THIS LOLA, I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE SETS TIME ASIDE TO EAT, MUCH LESS BLOG, POOR CREATURE.

GREATEST MOMENT ON APRIL 30, 2010

On April 30, 2010 a dream of mine came to fruition at about 2:15. Yes it has to do with the TOP SECRET DEVELOPMENTS. I promise to share with you during the week of June 21st. I promise the time is flying by! Fruition is probably the wrong word, but lets just say that I needed the NEWS for the dream to even JOURNEY TO FRUITION.

MY BOOK PART II: WHY ARE TEN DAYS ALREADY FILLED IN?

See above. Count all the TOP SECRET DEVELOPMENTS. That'll learn ya.

CRYING IN MY SMOOTHIE: THE LOLA-ALL-ALONE PERIODICAL

Since I'm a little paranoid, I'm not telling you when but somewhere during the month of July My Lovely will be vacationing without me and I will be a damn mess. I don't know that I will be able to do anything without promise of her arms around me. Argh. No puedo. I love her. Baby, I love you, I miss you already. I can't want until you come home. Mind you, Readers, she has not even left. I try to prepare myself for these things. Otherwise-straight basket case. McKinley and Patterson will be gone during the same period. No, not with her...loca! It will just be me dolo. Alright, alright...According to the Urban Dictionary: Dolo is a slang expression - Means To be alone, by yourself. I heard it, I think, when I was watching Step Brothers. Maybe. I don't know.

Oh! The same day that I watched Step Brothers, I watched Teeth. What!!?? I will leave you with a quote from the movie.

"Vagina dentata! It's what's inside me. The doctor said so. A hero has to come and conquer them!"

You get me, that's why I love you.


Lola

Whew. This was a long one. Stand, deliver and we all fall down.