Cool Slick and Coming Soon

Dear Readers,

This is not a full blog. It can't be. It can't be because there is so much going on. I have to protect myself as I have to protect you. Dear Readers, currently there is so much pain and anger pulsing through my veins and into my heart. I am writing to you for strength. I am writing to you for understanding. I am not the person that you think that I am, I make mistakes...actually lots of them. I am in a place now that I never thought I'd be at again and it hurts like hell.

I think that with maturity, I should be able to handle more each time, but you know, you let your guard down and then you get stung. So this can't be our regular time together. Right now I am reaching out because the most comforting thing that I have right now are these keys. It feels so good to type, to have some normalcy to my crazy life. I won't divulge what is going on, because what I am not going to do is lay blame on anyone specifically. Rather then blog about what is happening, I rather just blog to blog. I am trying to work through this and it seems that the only way to do that is keep busy. The one who plots against me, the one who orchestrated this whole nightmare, I played myself by playing into the plan. I do feel stupid but then I think of the things that I have going for me. I had a FB conversation today about insecurities and haters and etc. Here is something new and unusual....FOR YOU TODAY! LET'S HAVE A LITTLE FUN..I am going to dash over to FB and copy the convo here, while of course protecting the identity of the FBer.

Mystery FBer: Insecurities is an ugly thing. It makes you hate on people you know and don't know. I hear the sea of forgetfulness is calling..#Get.over.it

Lola: It is not that cut and dry, Mystery FBer.

Mystery FBer: I believe so but everyone is different. I have major insecurities but I will not ever treat someone different or hate on them because they look better or weigh less than me. Im saying get over the hate, not human being emotions like being insecure.

Lola: I never hate anyone for what they have. I just feel like under the right circumstances someone can get under your skin. Instead of your feelings looking rational, your suffering may instead manifest as insecurities. Insecure people equal haters. I think the real hating is when you aim to take what does not belong to you.

Mystery FBer: I agree.

Lola: Worst yet, I think the hate is contagious. We call those people jaded. It can be a victimful cycle. Even the sweetest person can fall victim if their cries for understanding go unanswered.

Mystery FBer: My point of this posting is I have been treated differently by ppl because of their insecurities. Being rude to me, etc..Everyone shines in their own time, so hating should not be a factor publicly. If you hating, do it in your own secret closet.

Mystery FBer: It depends how it is done and some people have been victims and those are special cases. However, there are ppl who are rude, spiteful, and don't care about your journey. All they see is the destination.

Lola: Oh I know someone just like that.

Lola: I think that comes with failure. Once they eff up their own journey, they want to trample all over yours. Alas, you can either back down like a spineless victim or you can stand taller, plant your feet on the ground and keep it moving.

Mystery FBer: Yup, very true.

Thank you Mystery FBer for your contribution to my blog. So Dear Readers, here is the climax of it all. Do you want to know how I am playing into the plan? I end up looking like a crazed psycho nutbag when there is nothing I can do at this point. So I have been thinking...

I can either play crazed psycho nutbag and fulfill the prophecy or I can just sit back and wait in the cut until I have a foothold in this all. I have weeks to do me, whatever I want to do and I can. I have many things going for me. Let me for a moment sing the praises of Lola...Church: Chime in When Necessary or if the Spirit Moves you...

I am intelligent

Happy Is Lola
I am beautiful

Happy Is Lola

I have an amazing little WondaFamily

Happy Is Lola

I have a pretty awesome sense of humor

Happy Is Lola

I love my friends and they love me back

Happy Is Lola

I am doing what I love the most, blog

Happy Is Lola

I am single, sexy and free

Happy Is Lola

I can go on, but I did say that this can't be a long one. No Homo. Wow, Dear Readers, you really do make me feel better. I have been spending a lot of time thinking things through. I have a nice long list of things to do to get through this period, successfully. I have been here before and all I got out of it were hangovers and a gut.

I worked too hard to get rid of my gut and I am not spending my good cash on drinking. Lord knows I can just sit at the end of any bar and have my drinks bought for me. Oh Yeah...you didn't know....shooooooot shut your mouth!

But..

That is not how I want to spend my time. This time is for me to get myself even more together. I am sure that there is a higher plan and if this is it then I work through it. The fight is far from ending..and anything worth having is worth fighting for.

However, to fight now would be a waste of energy. I am not going to paint myself into a corner, though that is the reason I have never single handily painted this apartment, as I would do so...and I tangent...thank you Dear Readers for this distraction.

Thank you for wanting the best for me.

Special shout out to you, for by the time you get to read this with everything else going on in your life, you are still very much aware of my feelings. Please be aware that I am not shutting you out, rather protecting myself and my sanity for OUR future. If our roles in each others lives has been completed then in time we will both know that. The knowledge will hurt but not as much as the uncertainty does. You are now and always will be in my heart. I may say and do things that combat this statement, but yes, I love you.

Dear Readers, I want to thank you for putting up with me. Really I am a great person, but as my conversation with Mystery FBer shows, I could just give in, notice my last comment "Alas, you can either back down like a spineless victim or you can stand taller, plant your feet on the ground and keep it moving."

I am standing tall.

Everyone here gets an honorable mention...anyone who throws me shade in their effort to be in the sun...there is enough sun for everyone. At the end of the day, despite my upset, it is all good. I feel for you and your pain, because it can only be your own insecurities that would make you do such things to someone (eh hem) who did nothing to you. You feel as if you are living your life, traveling your journey, but the journey spent trampling on the backs of others, is absolutely never OK. I wish you insight.

Dear Readers, I am off to tan. It is a wonderful day to be me and I'm doing me.


You get me, that's why I love you

Lola (still here)