Names...

Dear Readers,

So my weekend was peaceful. I don't know how I found peace, but I did, and I am not questioning. Today, I was traveling on the train and a name started to resonate in my head.

Again and again, the name tried to invade my thoughts along with images, images that I was not ready to confront. I didn't know what to do, so I tried to combat the name and images with a different name and image. This worked for a second, but the invading thought was so strong.

I felt anxious as I worked so hard to not deal with those thoughts...not now or later, but if I had a choice, it would have been later. Sometimes life simply does not work that way.

All of a sudden I thought of my name...and every name that has ever been mine. For someone who swore she hated nicknames I sure have many. I will spare you my government name, because despite all I am going though, I still have to keep a little something to myself. Here is a list of all my alias:

Lola
Laura (pronounced LaaOWda...like in the novellas)
Honey (my sim name)
Hoebucket Lovelobes
Stina
Peruvian Cruz

I thought of all these names, and they bought a smile to my face. You know, I never realized there were so many. What is awesome is despite the handle I carry, I am always me...ever evolving...but still the same.

Where am I going with this? Not sure. All I know is that I am still me. Different circumstances and personalities enter your life, yet you can still be yourself.

I am happy that I am still myself.
I am happy that I still smile at the same jokes, that my favorite movie is Ferris Bueller Day's Off, that I love reality tv, that my favorite book is still Catcher in The Rye, that I love cats even if I can't have one, that I can cook and people know it.

I am kind, loving, funny, sarcastic, and smart enough to make people believe that I know more than I actually do.

I do think that I am capable of loving and being loved, but my "in love" vibe is badly bruised.

I don't worry about that just yet.

No worries...an old friend told me that once or a million times and I am happy that it still makes me feel good.

Dear Readers, I am trying to convey to you that I might just be ok. Things have changed in my life and some may stay the same/or return, but I just don't know. I just don't know, but what I do know is that I must live in the present and expect the best for the future.

Even if what occurs in the future is not what I hoped for, I have to accept change and work with it.

Things can and will change but Lola, Laura (pronounced LaaOWda...like in the novellas), Honey, Hoebucket Lovelobes, Stina, and Peruvian Cruz will still be very real to me.

Ok. I am beat, but one last thing..speaking of names, Victoria and David Beckham have named their new baby girl Harper Seven. Harper Seven Beckham is a beautiful name.


You get me, that's why I love you,

Lola