Tuesday, September 29, 2009

30th Tuesday...You Can't Beet A Donation with A Ramen Noodle

Good Morning Readers:

So I am at a place where anybody can get away with anything as long as they make a donation. For every question that I have, the answer is always, oh, they/he/she made a donation. Hmmm…the message that I am receiving is: with a donation you can pretty much do whatever you want, whenever you want. I guess its donation talks, bullshit ceases and deceases. Funny as I type this, my laptop shut down sending me on a frantic search for a power source. Perhaps if I made a donation, I would not have such a problem.

I’m sorry Readers, maybe this is too heady for the early morning, but how do I know you are even reading this in the early morning? Its just morning for me, 7:31. I just felt the need to mention this to you. This reminds me of when we were kids; we were enrolled in private school. Maybe I should call it Donation School. In Donation School there was a donation for everything. Shoot, did I say donation again, I mean to say tuition. Right. So we were taught to love everyone and everything except of course homosexuals, liars, killers (the ones who believed in abortion) fornicators, bad kids (the ones who didn’t honor their parents), and thieves, the list goes on and on. I don’t know how I managed to forget since the list of sinners was drilled into my head.

I remember my mother, being poor who by default made me poor, could not always afford the tuition. I don’t know if she couldn’t afford it or it was lost in the purchase of Newports, Bonton chips and Diet Pepsi. All I know is that our school breaks were longer than all the other kids, because read above, donation or in this case, tuition talked. Yes Readers, our private school would not allow us to attend if the tuition was past due. What did this mean for us? This meant every morning during our extended vacation we would dress in our uniform, grab our heavy backpacks and walk to our aunt’s home. You have no idea how heavy those Sinners and How to Condemn Them textbooks were. We spent our time there watching TV, eating Ramen, reading True Love and dozing on her always open sofa bed. At about 2, we would pick up our untouched backpacks and go home.

I don’t remember why we would not just stay home. My mother was an at home mom most of the time. I want to say that my mother didn’t want the neighbors to know that we were tuition strapped drop-outs but I think it was bigger than that. I have a feeling my grandmother and/or stepfather was helping to pay the tuition but somewhere between my mother and the school something went wrong. I don’t think my mother wanted to deal with their scrutiny or actually with my stepfather’s wrath. That is so another blog. Really, you don’t want any of that here…I’m talking burning bed ish.

I say all this to say…that I really can’t say anymore. I may have to save some of this for my private journal. I don’t mean to cheat you, Dear Readers, but I draw the line at insulting anyone’s theological beliefs. My problem, and I have one, is with the message that is sent. From an early age we all are taught about the value of money, but it’s not the good kind of values like truth, compassion and good food vs. fast food crap. The value that we are taught is that everything has a price and you pay it anyway you can even if it means sacrificing yourself to the wrath of an angry partner whose values are nothing of merit.

Oh boy, I think I need some Disneyesque butterflies. Really, I’m sorry. I would delete this all and start from scratch, but that to me, would be the equivalent of lying to you. You deserve my honesty. You could have also stopped reading paragraphs ago, but you are still here and I appreciate it. If you stayed this long you need something pretty to carry with you today which brings me to THE MOST AMAZING THING I COOKED THIS WEEKEND. Cue the game show music, Bob. Two weekends ago, my son Patterson and I went to the farmers market. Among other things, we bought some dusty beets. I have never cooked with fresh beets before and I don’t really buy the canned ones. I’m not a beeter. I’ve been hearing about how great they are for you and at only $2 a dusty bunch; I figured what did I have to lose. I also bought little green pumpkins which are important to this story, so don’t be forgetting. Heh-heh, it tickles me when I purposefully jack up my grammar. Now for the first time in Tuesdays With Lola, I present to you, a ……….blog’cipe!

Cut up some onions and garlic and brown in a little oil. While the onion and garlic is browning, get your beet on. LOL!! Deleave (behead, whatever) the beets and then peel them. Keep the leaves; you can use them another time. You will need a good veggie peeler; I don’t know what they do to the canned beets to make them so pliable, because those heifers are like dusty rocks in their natural state.

Slice the beets as thin as you can, this will help with the cooking. Do not be alarmed when you look like a straight up killer, beets are very, very “bloody”. You will feel like Johnny Depp in that dark movie about the barber. Take one bouillon cube or even a half because they are very salty and toss it in with the onions and garlic. Introduce the beets and mix about. The onions and garlic may not be too happy to see the beets, but in a second e’rybody in that pan is going to be beet red and thus all get along. Introduce 2½ cups of water, bring to a boil and get the party started. Once its boiling, top it and let it simmer. It’s going to need to simmer for a while, so let it be and go watch Tyra or better yet read a blog.

I did not go and read a blog, I pulled out the aforementioned pumpkins and gutted them with the now beet red knife. I made little pumpkin bowls and put them in the oven at I guess 350 for the duration of the beet boiling. I say I guess because my stove does not have knobs. I am that sweet a chef, I don’t need knobs.

Once your beets, onions and garlic are nice and soft, let them cool. If you don’t have anymore liquid in the pot, you messed up. Damn. You need liquid. Anyway…pour the whole mix into a blender and puree. Oh it’s going to be a crime scene, what with the crimson red beets, but hold on. Remember the pumpkin bowls? You don’t have to do this part; I just thought it was cool. Carefully remove the pumpkins from the oven and pour the beet soup in. Place it carefully…I cannot stress how truly careful you have to be…back in the oven for a little while. You can bring the temperature down.

Now for the fun part…did I mention that you should have a dinner guest? Plate the souped up pumpkins and top with the pumpkin top, so it just looks like a regular pumpkin. Chances are the beet soup is going to drip over the edge of the pumpkin a bit. That’s fine. It looks cooler. Presentation is the first thing that someone notices. Your dinner guest, in my case my Lovely and her Work Wife (another blog) were, dare I say intrigued. They even took pictures. What a compliment. The colors alone were pleasing and the soup was delicious. They didn’t know right off what it was…they had to “place” the taste. It was awesome and fun to eat. Food should be fun. Eat what you like, if food that comes in a greasy box is fun for you, than go for it, but don’t miss the fun part. They could have eaten the pumpkin bowls too, but the soup was very filling and once the pumpkin bowls are empty they revert back to their boring pumpkin state. Did you see anyone celebrating Cinderella’s carriage once it turned back into a rat-drawn pumpkin? No.

I’m trying to think if there is anything else I meant to tell you. The weekend was long, but now it feels short since I’m back to the most fabulous job ever. My Lovely and I moved the living room around this weekend and it looks great. I have a load of books to get rid of and since no one on Craigslist bought my AquaHoop, I guess maybe I will post the books. I can’t believe no one wants a weighted hula hoop. Whatever. I finally clipped recipes out of my vintage 2006-Present magazine collection so that I can toss those dust mamas out. Que mas?

I am really sitting here trying to recall the whole weekend. I didn’t work out worth a damn unless you count moving furniture, clipping recipes and watching Boat Trip on my fainting couch. OMG….BOAT TRIP. The movie was ok; you will NEVER eat a banana the same way. What happened with that one banana was quite obvious but transcends all lines and there is NO ONE that will remain untouched to say the least after the banana scene. I don’t care who you are. Whew. I’m going to leave on this note. Readers, I think you are fabulous, the Khloe Kardasian wedding was just as real as the show and I can’t watch the news anymore because I am scared of people who buy bulk nail polish remover.

You get me, that’s why I love you.


Thursday, September 24, 2009

Twenty-9th Tuesday or at Least the Last Three Smushed Together

Whoa! Good Morning Readers:

Please don't bust my chops, we have a lot to cover today. When last we spoke I was on the cusp of celebrating my 2nd anniversary with My Lovely. I want to say that I was in so deep in the throes of love and romance that I could not get to you, but that would be an untruth. Yes I was, we still are deep in the TL&R but the real reason is I was super busy.

-This is the pause for you to get a hold of yourself-

Yes Readers, I do get busy. I told you that I am in a new district and I'm loving it. I really feel like I have a lot to accomplish every single day, but it is such a better feeling than just sitting at a desk..BUELLER BUELLER BUELLER..that is how I felt in the other place...which will remain unnamed. You won't get me to gossiping and trash talking, at least not on a public forum. Ok, I'm going to try to cover things in order, but you know me well.

If you have a real gripe, you ought to speak to My Lovely who took it upon herself to gift me a PERSONAL JOURNAL. Personal as in, only I write in it, only I read it....do you know how distracting that is? I love you for reading, I swear, but honestly, when I write in my PERSONAL JOURNAL, I don't have to censor ANYTHING. Oh I'm a real rebel with misspellings and curse words and doodles and everything! It takes a special person to be able to unleash the mighty pen (yes I'm actually writing)all over PERSONAL pages and return to a public blog.

I'm only back because I missed you. I'm not cheating on you, because I only give my PJ a page or two every couple of days. Ok? PJ is so seductive and alluring, with her cool grey suede cover and sexy rope tie thingie...whew, I can barely talk about her right now. Anyway...you don't bring sand to the beach, right? So yesterday, which was probably Day 13 of OMGGOTTAGETBACKTOMYREADERS, I received a FB message from someone asking how to subscribe to my blog. The thought of a new Dear Reader while my lazzzy a#$ is nearly three blogs behind truly woke me up. How dare I?

Now on the to MOST AMAZING THING I READ IN THE PAPER the other day. Bear in mind that it was only amazing to me and by no way am I the end all to amazing news, or maybe I am....LAT: Living Apart Together! It is exactly what it sounds like..couples who choose to live apart while maintaining a relationship. I don't just mean long distance someday over the rainbow couples. I mean real honest to sliced bread couples who are even married and live separately. How cool is that? I know some of you Readers may be rolling your eyes, but just think about it. Do you REALLY need to live with someone to love them? Let's just think about a scenario, just random, no ONE in particular. Beautiful Dreamer is in her 30's. She is deeply involved with Organized Controlled Dear. Dreamer is a little chaotic and does not feel too moved by a little dust or even a mismanaged dust bunny. Dreamer likes to keep late nights and leave her things where they may fall. Dear is very, very organized (which is great) and can tell immediately upon arriving home if her home has been breached by so much a leaf, while Dreamer could probably fall asleep with the KILLER in her bedroom closet. Dear strongly believes that everything has a place and every place has a thing and ne'er should the two meet, especially in a place like a miscellaneous drawer.

Dreamer and Dear could totally live together happily ever after without too many issues...or they can live apart together in happy bliss...going to their separate homes and exhaling...meet here and there to collide in love and romance that ONLY people with their own space share. Readers, please don't judge me, I'm only musing aloud. Even you happy live togethers must secretly wish your lover would stop doingthatbecauseImtiredofrepeatingmyself thing. C'mon. Be honest. Don't you want to just sometimes bellow, GET OUT!!?? Just think about it. It can work. Like any love story there are good points and bad points, Readers. My Love Story is good all the time, and My Lovely could have asked me to marry her 1.75 years ago and I would of said hell yeah, your place or mine? Flashback to my dark past: I was in a relationship that I felt more alone when she was home with me. There is nothing worse than feeling alone when you are right next to a partner. Fin! Is that correct? Moving right along....

Horatio Caine...sit down. You are no longer the Man. Readers, the other night I decided to watch NCIS. I don't really watch that show, but My Lovely does, so now and then I may catch it. Jethro Gibbs...stand up! Everyone knows that I love all the Law & Orders, CSIs and other related shows. Perhaps its the acronym titles, who knows? Anyhow NCIS stands for Naval (not bellybutton, lol) Criminal Investigative Service. My loyalty is with SVU, partly because Mariska Hargitay is so cool (read: smoking hot) and even Christopher Meloni has a hot factor....never mind the fact of B.D. Wong. Jethro Gibbs is to NCIS what Horatio Caine is to CSI Miami. In this week's episode, Jethro's team were being held by some hell bent terrorist in some hot, dank sandy tunnel. I told you that I don't watch this show...anyway...they were tortured, drugged, and damn near killed..at the final ten minutes, just when I SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE SENSITIVE PEOPLE WITH A DVR, I'M GOING RIGHT TO THE END...thought that there was no hope for them, the cocky beat down agent tells their captor that their boss (Gibbs) is a sniper and PING...like thirty-two sand dunes away a shot rings out and DOWN went the captor..bullet to the head!!! Gibbs is dressed like I guess a sand monster, and just rises from the dune!!! The agents quickly free themselves and limp to the exit of the dark stanky tunnel (tent?) and just when one of the now dead captor's cohorts is about to shot them PING! another shot and when the sand and dust settles, there is a silhouette of a sand monster, I mean a MAN, THE MAN, JETHRO GIBBS!!! I think if I was strongly into this show, I would have been bawling right then. I say all this to say, that I just might watch next week. I'm sorry Horatio. Put your sunglasses on and head to the sunset.

Last point..for everyone who ever lined there lips in a super dark pencil and then used a matte lipstick to fill it in, I have achieved smokey charcoal wonderfulness with my eye make-up. I never had the confidence to wear make-up, especially eye make-up but thanks to Carmindy from What Not To Wear (ah cable, you are sorely missed) I have skills to actually use eye make-up without looking like the raccoon that I saw on the 4 train platform on Monday. I'm not kidding. I really did my eyes beautifully and I really did see a hellified raccoon on the platform.

The coolest part is, I don't feel lost without make-up. I feel just as fabulous. You better too, no matter what you have on, what matters is what's going on inside. Love yourself and then others will love you and if they don't, they can kick rocks.

You get me. That's why I love you.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Exhale Tuesday

Dear Readers,

I will be brief, its late and I have to get up at 5. Do me a favor, on the strength of our devotion to each other...in your travels tomorrow, 9/9/09, if you happen to be anywhere in the metropolitan area and happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world..those of you blessed to know her-you know who I am talking about...she will be friendly, kind, smart and yes, gorgeous...please tell her that I love her, I adore her, she made me swoon two years ago, as she makes me swoon today.

I love you, Lovely.

Happy Anniversary.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Twenty-sixth Tuesday, Virus Blog: Laptop still Acting Funky

Readers, Readers, Readers,

Please don’t roll your eyes at me. I know it’s been a while but a whole lotta has been going on. I will give you the list and then tab over to the good/bad of it all.

Medical: My Lovely was hospitalized for a few nights. GOOD
Career: I was transferred to a new district. GOOD
Parenting: I just made spaghetti squash & it was a hit. GOOD
Diet: I lost nine pounds. GOOD
Love: My Lovely & I are celebrating our 2nd lovaversary GOOD

It is truly Lola Time.

Alright, you probably didn’t read anything after the medical one, because you are thinking what kind of black widow spider is this woman anyway? Send in the arsenic, right? No. It’s not like that at all. I just try to see the good in everything. My Lovely was hospitalized for some tests; tests that were found pretty much negative AS LONG AS she (mmhmm we) change our dietary habits and lifestyle. Her brief stint in the hospital and my one nighter (as company) woke us up to what we have been doing wrong. I mean, we are not 100% healthy, but we are getting closer.

Next, the career change…for those of you who don’t know, I work for the city and my conglomerate is broken down into districts. Every district is supposed to run the same but that is like saying every chicken noodle soup is the same…I was in a district that I er, liked, but now I am in a district that I love. Ok, you won’t get me trash talking on an open blog. Hell to the naw. Let’s just say that a change was necessary for all parties involved and what better way to get the party started!? I’ll touch on this more in another blog; I love talking about work.

Onto parenting…did I ever tell you that I’m a mom? I must have, I don’t brag about it, although I should because they are pretty amazing. My son’s name is Patterson and my daughter’s name is McKinley. They are named after the most dangerous housing projects in the city. I’m pausing to crack up. OMG, did you actually believe that? Not their names but that I would actually slip up and tell you their names? You won’t be pulling one of those, “Patterson & McKinley! Your mom is hurt and sent me for you! Quickly, jump into this nondescript white van and let’s go!!”, on my babies. Not you, Dear Reader, but we really don’t know everyone who reads this. Well today the kids and I had a great day; we worked out at the track and had a picnic. For dinner I told my daughter that we were having spaghetti. She sure does love the carbs, so this was a big deal. I sent her to the living room to play video games. My son is always in my armpit, so I had no choice but to show him the spaghetti squash. Spaghetti squash is the yellow oblongish round one. He swore that she would never fall for it. The way you do it, Dear Readers, is you cut the squash in half the long way, and then you pull all the seeds out, lay it cut side down in a pan and bake it for 40min at 350. Once it’s done, carefully (the heifer will be hot) hold it and rake the inside with a fork. It looks like when you play with the play-doh spaghetti maker. Slap that bad boy on a plate and pour on a little of your favorite marinara or even good ole oil and pepper and voila! It really tastes quite good, similar to al dente spaghetti. Best of all there so little calories, it’s not even worth looking up. I wish I would have made a bet with my son, because she liked it so much, she had seconds. I joked with him that had she caught us raking it, we’d just say that it was a pasta plant and that’s where spaghetti came from. Ah, we would have convinced her.

I don’t really have to go into the diet bit, but NINE POUNDS is pretty great. It really ties in well to the medical portion. I want to be able to support My Lovely in everything that she does, so we are making similar changes. We have stepped up (pun so intended) our exercise routine and made positive changes to our daily eating. I feel good and I’m looking even better. Yesterday I wore a pair of jeans and there was a little space between my waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssttttttttt and the fabric. I’ve been journaling what I’m eating and following a few tips that I’ve picked up. On thing that I am doing is enjoying my daily veggies with a teaspoon of olive oil and a healthy sprinkle of red pepper flakes. I don’t tell you this to tell you to do it; I’m just doing it for myself. I’m no food guru, but I am a foodie and I like to eat. I’ve cut out soda-including diet. I’m drinking way more water and as of Monday will incorporate one can of black beans into my daily intake. The kids and I have had so many veggies since yesterday, I’ve nearly fixed all the catastrophic summer eating habits we picked up.

Happy Anniversary of September 9, 2007 when my life forever changed for the better! I love my Lovely and I can hardly believe that I made it thirty long years without her. She is the best thing since spaghetti squash and she makes me oh-so-happy. I am head over heel, send a minister Mister in love with that woman. She puts all the vowels in my week; I love her, love her, and love her. Before her my days were Mndy, Tsdy, Wdnsdy, Thrsdy, Frdy, Strdy, and Sndy, now I wake up everyday with newfound hope, peace and love in my heart. I have to stop here Readers, because if I go on I will start swooning and getting all awesomtastical nuts.

Hey! This just in, remember my good friend who was waiting to find out if she was having twins? Well the verdict is in, Smudge is boy! I think it was all that testosterone that had us nearly fooled to think that it was Smudgies. I don’t know him, but I know his lucky parents and I already love him. Stay tuned for more Mr. Smudge updates. We can’t wait until you get here.

Hey! A little something else just in, I was to congratulate a very, very good friend of Lovely and I. After much deliberation and heartfelt wishes, she has found true love. I (we) are so happy for the both of you, you deserve it. I wish only the bestest and gayest to you, your Lover and The Blackness. I just texted my friend to make sure that nothing has changed…you know how love is. She is damn near plugged into her phone so she should get back to me by the time I publish. She used to answer us right away but that is before she fell all in love and whatnot.

Closing note, thank you Apple for my Ipod..it was acting up and I was about to go to the Apple store and act up, but I figured out what I was doing wrong. I’m sorry I doubted you, Apple.

Until next time, Dear Reader……

You get me, that’s why I love you.


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Twenty-fifth Tues...aw nutty, I'm sleepy....

Hey there Readers..

I’m writing from Word since my laptop refuses to work with me.
I don’t remember what we spoke about last, since I’ve not had time to refresh myself. I’m sorry I’ve been away, so much has gone on. First off, my Lovely was in the hospital for a few nights. The first night I decorated her room with post it notes, the next night I stayed with her. I love her; she is fine, thank you for your concern. On other fronts, I mentioned on Facebook that I was looking forward to changes. Far be it for me to wax poetic about the past, but there were some things bugging me that are thankfully the past. What a difference a phone call makes. I feel like good things are going to happen and soon. I’m sorry I am being so cryptic, but I’m a firm believer (albeit conceited) that everyone and their mama reads my blog so I have to choose my words carefully. I don’t want the wrong person reading this and me ending up on one of those You Effed Up and Lost Your Whole Shit sites…lmao.

You need to know that last night I had a dream that I was out with someone and we saw a clock that had “Lola’s Time” inscribed on the face. Whomever I was with insisted on me taking a picture so that we could show the clock to my Lovely. Do you honestly think that that was no big deal? I am so sure that it is an indication of things to come. God I wish I could say more. This is why we need a mail bag…so that I could answer your questions individually. There is so much more that was going on and now just like that…everything is good. I’m sleepy…I have to get to bed so that I can get to my brand spanking new district tomorrow in one piece.

Yes, I look forward to going to work. That is a new feeling as well.

Talk to you later.

You get me. That’s why I love you.