Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Fifth Tuesday

Hello Readers,

I'm steamed right now, so this may not be the best time to blog or maybe it is. I don't know, I just think when you do something that you claim to be your passion, you should go hard or go home. I own my passion and I do it well. The aggravating thing is when others go out of their way to thwart your efforts. I'm all for following the rules and whatnot, but if you are so busy being close-minded and stuck in the same box-do you have any idea how much you will miss??

Hold on one second, I have the perfect lyric for this...one sec. From The Blue State album: What Makes You Tick, by Deepa Soul, "you decide you are going to hide who you are inside, what makes you tick..just be who you are, be yourself...you can do one of two things live in the little box you been in and be happy, you stay right there in your little corner of the world". Would the artist excuse me, the lyrics are not complete, but I imagine my readers get it. I have nothing but love, admiration and a pinch of sheer green envy for the skills and love put into The Blue State album.

Anyway, that album helps me exhale. Whew. I'm listening right now and feeling better. I get so upset because I put my all and then some into projects that interest me...that ignite my passion...I don't expect everyone to agree with me. I don't shove my beliefs on anybody. You are reading this because you feel like it, no? Do I blog in emails and then mass forward?? No, I do not. I don't pursue my interests because I feel like everyone should follow me. I'm not David Koresh.


All I want is for others to maybe make a feeble attempt to see things from a different angle. Its not that much. Really, its not.

inhaling....and exhaling...

Like the lovely, talented, soon-to-be-Mommy, Jill Scott, another mandatory member of my ipod...

just breathe

"you know how it is when they say what they say.... and they say what they say"...more Blue State for you, Change It Round by Hanifah Walidah. Once again, excuse my lyrics, really everyone should own The Blue State.

Alright, between my favorite sounds and my Lovely calling me, I've lost my inner "pissed off". This blog is changing direction, so I am going to let it go before I total sidetrack...you know how I do.

Please take a moment to look outside, above, around and under the box. If not fine, there are more than enough people to keep you company inside the box.

You get me, that's why I love you.


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Fourth Tuesday

First of all, this month is so long, I swear I've missed a Tuesday. Disclaimer: Although this was "done" yesterday as per my contract (heh), the rat bastid in my building was being hella cheap with his wifi..instead of his usual porn party, I think he had a real live woman in his apartment because my efforts at signal swiping were thwarted at every turn.

What I learned at the Gym this week: It was a great day when I was able to find a No Joke in front of a television playing Judge Judy. I have not watched her in years because there is only so much sarcasm one person (even I) can take. Anyway she was a hit yesterday. I will spare you the whole sordid tale-but in one short 30min segment, she told a woman to stop having babies and go back to school and shot another plaintiff down with a $10 settlement on an old refrigerator that she wanted $415 for..."Lady, never in time has a refrigerator appreciated in value", I swear, she said that. Good times.

I managed 30min watching and listening to Portishead. Portishead always makes me feel so mysterious...if at all possible to feel mysterious on a No Joke swinging appendages for your life, that was me. The next part of my work out was 30min on the Modified No Joke. This time I felt all healthy and whatnot, so I decided to pump up the volume and listen to something with a "kick". Readers, the next time my silly a#% decides to listen to Junior Gonzalez's Tribute to Hector Lavoe, just "kick" me. See, my fitness plan is to run forward for one song, then run backwards for the next. Yeah. The songs were soooooooooooo long...PANAMA PANAMA PANAMA PANAMA!!!!! I felt sure that I was going to explode. Oh boy. Never again. At least next time I will tone it down with Marc Anthony's attempt.

Something else I learned at the Gym this week: Location, location, location...its not all about the television you post yourself in front of or the music you listen to. It is so important to make sure you surround yourself by the right people.

You don't want to be near the Gazelles. The Gazelles are the people at the gym who have no business there. They are uber fit and have nerve to wear the same type of fat belt that curls up my girth every time I so much as wink. Their belt is barely stretched. What are they holding in? Are they afraid their ribs are going to separate, surely they are not trying to say that there is one iota of fat to hold back. My fat belt fits me like sausage casing in boiling water. You get me.

You don't want to be near the Very Big. The Very Big are not bad, since their struggle is similar to yours. In fact they probably look at you with the same disdain as I submit the Gazelles to. The Very Big are not at fault of anything on their own-I respect their hustle. The problem is if you put yourself in their realm, you are liable to think you are so fit and doing so well, why push yourself? I mean, come on! Just listen to Ella Fitzgerald and daydream, shoot, as long as you keep moving, you are the winner!

Location, location, location, panama!panama!PA-NA-MA!! Sorry, its stuck in my head...

So I thought I was at a great location, because I had a nice mix of People Like Me, Gazelles (one) and Very Big (two). I knew that I would be OK, and I greeted my fellow athletes with the standard, DON'T-LOOK-AT-ME-I'M-TOO-BUSY-BEING-FIT-AND-MESSING-WITH-MY-IPOD-AND-YOU?esque way that we do. There was a Person Like Me right next to me, and then she LEFT.

Replacing her was a super built guy, the ONE who is so built he needn't even hold onto the Modified No Joke, the MNJ might as well hold onto him. I didn't really care, because like a Gazelle, he is so into himself, he won't bother me. Well. Well, I can tell you, he had his ipod on and started racing as I expected, but then he did something totally unexpected.

dramatic pause.....

He started singing. Yes, singing! Loudly singing, I swear Dear Readers, if I'm lying, I'm dying, I've never seen anyone !!ANYONE!! sing at the gym-at least not while working out. I could not believe it. It's bad enough when you have to hear someone's music through their ear buds, but a whole other story when you have to hear the nasal stereo surround noise of said someone's karaoke. Is nothing sacred? I'm still mad at him.

The most sexist thing I saw at the Gym this week: was on the news. With this Dear Readers, I leave you to your lives...anyway, while working out near Karaoke Running Man, the reporter started raving about March Madness (which I formally associated with CVS sales) and women loving basketball. That was not sexist. I don't care for sports, not because I am a woman, but because I simply don't care. What was pathetic, was the website called, I may be a little off, but How To Watch Sports Like a Girl. Excuse me? What the hell? Are you serious?

There were these insipid women on the news chortling about how much they looooove basketball and how they are picking the winners and their boyfriends just loooooove how much they are into the game. Oh brother. If you like sports, watch them. Do we really need a website about how to watch like a girl? How does a girl watch? Is it the same way some people "talk" white? Please. I've been accused of the second, so its a spot for me, sorry for that. Anyway. There is even a book to help woman follow sports. Why? Are they too feminine to follow something geared toward men? No Big Daddy, ESPN is tooooo much for me...please....

Ok. I am feeling a little rant-esque. I leave you to your lives, Readers. Thank you for reading. By the way, pick the team with the cutest uniforms, the most Gazelles and the least Karaoke Running Men.

You get me.

That's why I love you.


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Third Tuesday

Good Morning.

So I have a looooong meeting today, and I don't know when I will be able to post again today. Readers, there is so much going on and then nothing at all. Have you ever felt that way? Its like being on a speeding train, yet paying all attention to something hardly consequental, like a daisy. Ok, fine, so I've never been on a train and held my attention on a daisy, but maybe I should. Anyhow, sometimes I feel like everything is spiraling and just when I think that I'm going to fall head first into all the ish, I'm fine. I've been living like this for 33 years and it has not 100% failed me yet. Note and highlight "yet". I know that it makes more sense to plan, plan and plan some more, but it's just not my thing. This blog is turning into a letter to myself I think.

Dear Lola:

Get your head out of your ass. mmmm no....

Dear Lola:

Did you pay your bills yesterday? Did you turn the coffee off this morning? Did you remember that you had your keys in your other jacket?

I left my keys home today, so that letter is too late. Dang.

Dear Lola:

Why did you have cereal and a muffin?? Are you going off to war, or to a meeting? Dude, what is your problem? Why are you wearing that brown striped shirt with the ruffled thingie? Does that look like meeting wear to you? How come you didn't get to bed earlier, so you don't go to the meeting like a zombie? Why did you take your time getting up this morning? Do you enjoy spending $9 on a cab???

Readers, we are too critical on ourselves!! The revolution is NOW!! Here is a letter to me, that I will carry all day:

Dear Lola:

Good Morning Sweetpea. Wow, your part is so straight and your chignon is so sleek. How did you do it? Good choice with the shredded wheat and whole wheat loaf this morning-that breakfast will keep you full until lunch later. Oh man, heard that you left your keys! No worries, you will get it. It will all work out. It always does, right? To be safe, call your mom, so that she does not leave the apartment. That is the responsible to do. Good job. Omg, how funny was Two and A Half Men last night? You laughed your ass off!! Good times, since you paid the cable bill, you might as well watch television. You know, that shirt is daring for a meeting, but I like it. Who says you have to look like everyone else, anyway? What do they expect, a suit jacket? Ha, that's interview wear, you already got the job. Did you enjoy the 30min you stayed in bed this morning? After all if you don't take care of yourself, who will? You spent $ on a cab, but it was to get to the job that pays you the $. Well, you go on with your bold, bad, beautiful, strong self. Be fierce, fanciful and fabulous as always!


Not only a Member, but Club President,


Ah that felt good. Today instead of beating yourself up for every little thing, appreciate every little thing. Appreciate the weather, your breakfast, your every little thing, but mostly the greatest thing of all, yourself.

Love yourself.

Love yourself.

You get me, that's why I love you.


Monday, March 9, 2009

Good morning....Not a Tuesday, a Monday

So my first thought (why is it that every time I attempt to spell first, it comes out as fist, hmmm) this morning, during that oh so crucial first (it happened again) stretch, was, no, no, no, rainy Monday, to work, not again, there must be some ache and pain I can claim, damn, damn, damn-then your smile fills my mind and I am reminded that once again, another morning, I am blessed to be adored by you, honored to love you back...you are the energy that fuels my every move, the inspiration that leads my thoughts, both good and bad (heh heh..that came out as bed...hmmm). I'm in love with you today and everyday.

I hope you have a wonderful Monday.

Don't forget your umbrella.



Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Second Tuesday, 3/3/09

Dear Readers:

Aha….Tuesday is nearly over, did you think I was not going to blog today? Nope. Here I am. I’ve been thinking over this blog for sometime now, as you all know Saturday was my 33rd birthday…I keep thinking about it and thinking about it, about my feelings.

First and foremost, what I recognize after my thought process is that my birthday was spent the way it should be, with family that love me. Prior to that adult thought I was a little aggravated. My Lovely did plan a great night for me, we were (yes were) going to go to Henrietta’s where I was going to get a birthday shout-out, a round of shots and 15min of fame in the cage. Yes, the cage.

The only way all this could go down was if I had ten guests. Easy right? I mean, she invited everybody and then some. Well. Apparently everyone and then some had something to do. I mean everybody. There were birthday parties, family things, anniversaries, out of town, exams…basically life. Everyone is expected to live their life and I cannot expect the world to stop for me. See, the loner that I used to be would have been mortified at the thought of being in a club, much less a damned cage. However, the social butterfly that I have evolved into, would love such an exhibitionist episode.

My Lovely let me know early on that a lot of people could not make it, as the day progressed; it went from a lot to all. The loner (or loser, depending on your pov) in me (she is still around, you never lose that) was secretly thinking that it was all a ruse and that our friends would just pop out of something, like she & I would be in some obscure place like the Pathmark and they would just roll from around the produce aisle….all “aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh we got you!!”. That did not happen. However, thanks to My Lovely, whose efforts would not be thwarted by anything or anyone managed to save my birthday.

Friday: My cook at work had collected cash for my lunch bonanza…Popeye’s Fried Chicken…it may not seem like a lot, but I only allow myself stuff like that on my birthday. What I did not expect was that she and two other staffers bought me a set that I’d been eyeing in the Avon catalog. How sweet was that? A ring, earrings, and a necklace, I was so surprised.

That evening My Lovely was coming to pick me up. Somehow she managed to get into the house with her key and into the kitchen without me knowing. She and the kids surprised me a beautiful cake from Sal & Dom’s and a book from B&N. She knew that it was important to me for the kids to spend part of my birthday with me. That night we slept at her house. She gave me my first gift, Slumdog Millionaire. What can I say, she knows people.

Saturday: My Lovely took care of me all day, from the moment we woke. It was a great day. I felt like calamari with lemon and we went to City Island. You see, My Lovely is the type of lover that I just mention something and she makes it happen. She is so considerate and so loving and I am so blessed.

Later on we went shopping for my other gift, jeans and a belt. This is so major, my 11 year old claims that he has never seem me wear a belt, he is right. Her parents came in from Florida to visit and gave me an awesome copper color bag and a flip flop charm bracelet.

Since no one was going to go to my birthday extravaganza we thought to stay in. The one person that wanted to still go was coming all the way from Airmont, NY and was upset that we decided not to go. Honestly, my heart was not in the hang out anymore. That friend was going to go racing instead and we thought to join her, but it would have been an hour away, so we ended up staying home. We played cards with her parents and drank. All in all, it ended up being a fun evening.

Sunday: Her parents treated us to Lombardi’s (delicious!) and then we went to Whole Foods.

Monday: Snow Day!!! No work for me, and I really think it was a gift from heaven. I spent the whole day home with the kids and had a date night all to myself that evening. It’s been a while and I had a good time. I always used to hang out by myself and I thought it necessary to open up my 33rd year.
So, I had a great birthday. I did not need to be surrounded by friends, but it would have been fun. I love our friends no matter what and even though I was feeling vexed I’m over it. I think that mostly everyone would have been there, had they been able to. Bottom line is I will never know. It will remain a mystery to me. Its not like we will never hang out again, I will see them when I see them. If in fact there were posers that actually did not want to do anything, it’s all good. There are times when I don’t feel like doing shit either. I’m not twisting anyone’s arm.

My birthday, like my life thus far, was blessed and full of love from the people who mean the most to me, and whom I mean the most too. When life is mutual like that, what more can you ask for? 15min in the cage and a round of drinks, sure why not? LMAO.

I appreciate everyone’s happy wishes whether via text, Myspace, Facebook, etc. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again.

Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me……

I may have to blog tomorrow because something really aggravated me today, but maybe I will just sleep on it.

Goodnight! I’m going to try to trick my laptop into letting me post this…the life of a wifi signal stealer is very exciting.

You get me, that’s why I love you.