Dear Readers,
Incidentally, by no prior thought or consideration, today's blog Tenth Tuesday is only a day before Eleventh Tuesday! What in carnation, right? The world works in mysterious ways. I just put too much water in my oatmeal. That is not a random thought, but right now the most urgent thing on my agenda. I am constantly in a state of being healthier, and when I plan on plain oatmeal fortified with ground flax seed and bedazzled with raspberries, that's what the hell I want. Now the raspberries have sunk to the bottom and the "oatmeal" looks like murky miso. Sigh. Bloody hell...or should I say Watery Oatmeal. That will be my $%#& of the week, Watery Oatmeal!! I'm tempted to drain some of the water out, but I feel as if that will make matters so much worse. The most remarkable thing I heard on the news this morning was that its Eat Whatever You Want Day. I wish I knew that before I celebrated Eat Whatever You Want Weekend. Holy hell, what am I going to do with this inedible oatmeal? I'll be right back, I can't deal..its only Monday.
This is where the brief word from our sponsors would be...give me a second to go salvage my breakfast. Well. Word to the wise, never try to drain water off of oatmeal. First of all, the sink looks like a crime scene and the poor oatmeal has been flushed, pricey raspberries and all. See how my day is setting up? Breakfast now has morphed from a healthy cup of hot cereal to a sausage roll. For those of you who don't dine on school food every weekday, a sausage roll is a turkey sausage baked in bread. How healthy does that sound? I suck. Enough beating myself up. Who's next?
This is just the type of Monday that will be punctuated with a root canal. I'm not kidding. I'm having a root canal today. Why are you shaking your head incredulously? I'm not shitting you. In hindsight, maybe I should celebrate Eat Whatever You Want Day, because after 6pm today, oatmeal won't be the only runny meal I'll be dining on. You didn't ask, but why not share the rest of today's fun menu with you? Lunch is going to be black bean soup and whole wheat crackers. I'll probably snack on an apple and grapefruit. My post-op meal will be a yogurt shake with strawberries and some raspberries that I stashed behind the brown sugar in the freezer at home. If my jaw does not feel like its going to fall out, I may attempt the gym today, but you know, the way things are going thus far, I better keep my bleep at home.
How was your Mother's Day? Mine was OK. My Lovely took me and her Grandma to dinner on Saturday, which was pretty fabulous. Sunday my sister took us all out to breakfast. The kiddies bought me a lavender LOVE YOU MAMA bear and my niece and nephew bought me some cool vintagey looking Coke glasses. My niece apparently did not appreciate sharing a gift with her brother, so she tried to one up him with a ring pop. He did not appreciate her attempt and he ended up giving me a sand stuffed fish key chain without the actual key fob-you figure it out. I love them, they rock. My sister, who apparently wants to be me, bought the SAME EXACT CARD FOR MY MOM that I did..to add insult to WTF, she bought ME THE SAME CARD from her kids that I BOUGHT HER from my kids. Someone needs to stay away from my damn CVS!! I can't have NOTHING for myself. I'm aware of the double negative, allow me a moment of ebonica. The remainder of the day, I played Sims, dozed and watched a little Lifetime. I did laundry, but only because I am the ONLY PERSON IN THE HOUSEHOLD who does laundry. If I miss a Sunday laundry day, I'm bound to be hip deep in Tide for the rest of the week. No thank you, ma'am.
Speaking of Sims, I am so obsessed. My Lovely has made it possible for me to own practically every Sims game there is. If you don't know about the Sims, perhaps you should stop reading, because I don't want to pass on my obsession....just a recap...yesterday my Sims, roommates Chastity Green and Dude (I don't have the capacity to remember his name) took their relationship one step forward and starting HAVING IT right in Dude's bed. Dude fell all in love with Chas and now wants to marry her. Unfortunately Chas is a wild child and falls in LUST with everydamnSim. I mean, Dude would be deep asleep and Chas is just downstairs making it with everySim. I started feeling bad for Dude, so I bought a mode changer and changed Chas's mood to marriage material. Now they are married! I only have a few hours of game play to get Chas knocked up...what a chore. I need her to have a baby and I need to make Dude have an affair-shit, he owes Chas at least one indiscretion...hoe monger she is.
Uhhhh the sausage roll is not doing nice things to me right now, or perhaps its the 32oz of coffee that I've been nursing since 8am. I do these things to myself.
Dear Readers, I have a confession to make...I'm not as whimsical as you may think. I know that I keep my mood up and happy and try my best to share my everyday with you without putting you straight to sleep-but I usually have a lot on my mind that I actually don't share with you. Can you beat that? I never, never lie to you...I never embellish my everyday, but I do hold back. I'm sorry. It's just that I have to leave a little something just for me. I feel like I am cheating you, but if I tell you everything, then you will either just have questions or blank stares, I'd go with the blank stares, actually. I don't know where this is coming from, I really don't. If I told you everything, my blogging would never end. I guess this is a good time to thank you for reading, thank you for accepting this piece o'me.
The way I am with you is the way that I am with everyone, only you don't literally speak back to me. I don't really feel like this conversation is one-sided-if you can imagine that. I don't even have to try to imagine your side of the conversation and I want to thank you for providing me an outlet. All this Lola tends to spill out and make a watery oatmeal of my life, and I'm eternally thankful for you, Dear Readers.
You get me, that's why I love you.
Lola
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