Monday, July 25, 2011

I'm Still Here. I get that and understand why......

Dear Readers,

How are you? I have been missing since I went back to work. I am sorry. I have thought about you frequently. I tried to blog yesterday, but my internet was acting up. It is probably better that I didn't. I was in a so-so place yesterday.

Let's see...the last time we spoke I told you that I picked up a self help book. It has been helping me to help myself. LOL

Here is a disclaimer: I am blogging at a friend's home (she is a Dear Reader just like you) and I may be a little distracted. I can't not be distracting because she is a riot and we are having an adult conversation with adult stuff. HA!

Let my explain the book that I am reading as well as I can....the book talks about everyone having a dual self (duality) of their regular selves and their shadow self. The shadow is the part of you that prevents you from doing what you were really meant to do in life, ie, be fabulous. The shadow is the place where you hold onto negative feelings...those feelings are the ones that put you down. OK,you know me and examples. The following conversation is the what a conversation between myself and my shadow (if it could talk and I think mine does, as it is an overachiever just like me):

Lola: Wow I think I am going to write that book everyone keeps telling to write.

Shadow: You don't have time.

Lola: Hmm I have so much to do, where would I find the time?

Shadow: Yo, don't you have two kids, you pathetic single mother?

Lola: Sigh, I should do something with the kids, but I am short on cash...I am a failure.

Shadow: Now you are talking, Loser. While you are home with your kids, why don't you work out, Fat Ass?

Lola: Gosh, I feel so paunchy today....

See how I forgot all about writing my book??

So here is the thing, according to the book, the only way to get rid of the shadow's power is to embrace the feelings head on.

Lola: I am feeling sad. I think I will go buy a bottle of tequila. (WRONG)


Lola: I am feeling sad. I get that and I know why. It's OK to feel sad (CORRECT)

If you can embrace your feelings, you can then let them go and move on with yourself.


I don't want to just straight rip everything out of this book, because you should read it. I think everyone should. At the end of this blog (which will be soon, my friend is antsy) I will give you the name of the book.

Another thing...back to duality. For every bad feeling that you have, there is a good one that can combat it, but only after you recognize the bad and embrace it.

Here are the cousins:


There are still other cousins but those are the ones we all know. They are related this way: if you have never felt sadness, you will never recognize happiness and REVERSE, REVERSE, REVERSE!! Get it? That is why you need all the cousins to complete your family (The Emotional Wellbeings).

See life encourages us to try to squash the bad feelings, but even if we squash them, we still hold onto them.

This is the last bit of example from the book today....

I have had two relationships over the past ten years. My partner and I broke up after seven years, and then, the partner that I had broke up after three years. The pain from the first relationship I packed in my emotional backpack of memories....the present break has been packed on top of the past one. Got it? when you pack a bag, why do you pack? I guess because the things you pack, you need for later. Why the hell would I need the pain from not one but two relationships? Am I going to forget the pain, so I feel the need to carry it? Am I holding onto the pain in case I need it? For what? All that pain is going to do is interfere with my future.

Imagine I meet someone that is really fabulous? I want to feel the greatness of the fabulousness..but first I have to see what you have in common with all this pain that I am carrying. Hmmm yeah, you know what? Now that I have seen what you have in common, I am scared to proceed or (WORST YET)...ah yes, this is the pain that I am accustomed to...let's get involved so that one day, you too, can join the pain in my backpack.

Here it is, Dear Readers. You will never forget the pain of a break up, but there is no reason for you to relive the pain each and every time. If you just say the following or something similar:

I am in pain. I get and I understand why. It is OK to be in pain.

See when you do that, you allow yourself to experience the pain, and then what happens? You are more open to the cousin (the positive feeling).


Readers, I am going to close now, because I have other things to do, and right this second, I must let my Dear Reader (right here now) to read this blog.

Last thought. I am a little sad. I get that and I understand why. It is OK to be sad. You know what I am more happy than sad. I get that and I understand why. It is OK to be more happy than sad.


The book that I am reading is The Shadow Effect, Illuminating The Hidden Power of Your True Self. It is by Chopra, Ford and Williamson. Shout out to Barnes and Noble, $14.99!

You get me, that's why I love you,



  1. lola, lola, I was a lil' antsy, wasn't I! lol - I soooo enjoy your company, and I truly admire your ability to blog, hold a conversation with me, and record the conversations in your head! you are true AWESOMENESS!!!!!

  2. I haven't been following your blog LOLA...but this one kind of hit me in the head. I have so many projects 'in my head' that I have not attempted to begin yet. A friend of mine actually gave me a deadline for one and now every time I see him, he's like - 'Do you have anything written down yet', and the answer is NO! Are you kidding. It's been my nature to begin at the point of the deadline, like 5 minutes before it's due. Anyway, my problem is getting to the finishing point. I can start, but I get to the middle and loose wind. lol, That's when I start ANOTHER project so I don't have to drive myself crazy about the old unfinished project. However, in your case, being that you are an achiever, you will wake up at 3am and be finished with your book in two days. It's all in the mind but no one will know unless your voice is heard. You'll be signing autograph's soon....LOL, probably already started. One of your biggest fans.

  3. Mob, I wrote something good and this is precisely why I don't do anything bigger than Angry Birds, Facebook, or Words w/Friends on my Touch. My comment was lost. Now I have to recreate at this crack of morning?? The gist: you clearly are a writer because:
    That was a long comment and it was about you, not the blog.
    I could hear your voice clearly in your writing.
    You are are welcome to be my fan. The next time you stop by, leave a snail trail, I'd like to read more of your voice. Blogger knows blogger, don't step away from your craft for too long.

  4. You never fail at being LOLA, and I got your point but went straight to what i was thinking. You know me better as bklyngate, the unknown poet. But I HEAR you so well. I'll be specific about your thoughts next time. Next, I will comment on the main idea.....

  5. Whenever i had a break-up or didn't get my way, I would be devastated. i too read the self help books at getting through the pain, and depression regarding relationships and life. However, I don't believe that I'm the average person, and I needed to hear and do so much more to get me to a point where I felt alive again. I now know that pain is not a necessity in a break-up or life. Granted, heartache and disappointment is a part of life. However, what helped me to get through is "remembering me". There was a me, a great person before I met you or decided to do a certain thing in life, and now I know that regardless of the outcome of my endeavors, that I CAN AND WILL GO ON.!! I simply remain positive and believe in me and the higher power that drives me. The higher power never wastes time on anyone.